Power, Power over, and Power with

Power involves the ability to use the resources available to us to meet needs. We may have access to external resources or internal resources and use these to attain what we want. Power is not good or bad and can be used to serve life.

Access to money, organizations, social systems, social groups, space, time, or connections to social networks are examples of external resources someone may be able to tap into. Internal resources could include an individual’s capacity to hold their breath, wait in long lines without getting triggered, be empathetic towards others and be able to calm themselves down when upset or self-regulate their emotions.

Power-over

There are times when an individual or a group may use power over another individual or group. The strategies used usually involve punishment and rewards. For instance, if someone does not behave as we would like, we might think about taking away a privilege or physically hurting them. An individual may take the phone away from another when they are trying to make a phone call, or another may block an exit when someone wants to leave. Because this person may be physically stronger or able to intimidate the other, they are able to use power over the other. The other does not share in the decision-making and their needs are not held equally.

When power over is used by someone it may be used knowing that the other’s needs are not being considered equally; it may be that the individual using power over believes he or she is entitled to use power over another. It is also possible that the individual may not be aware that they are using power over. Sometimes the individual or group is aware that they are us ing power over and do so anyway because they are unable to identify internal or external resources to find a different option. When power over is used it usually comes with a cost to others.

Protective use of force would fall under the power over category but would be considered an approach that enriches life. Its primary purpose is to protect and keep others and ourselves safe. For example, someone could take away someone else’s car keys to punish (power over) or to keep someone from driving drunk (protective use of force). Once safety is accomplished the individual or group would consider using power-with others. T his might look like collaboration instead of making unilateral decisions that affect others.

Power-with

Power-with consists of using the resources that we have to work with others, considering everyone’s needs. There is trust and cooperation in exploring strategies that work for parties involved. When this happens, everyone’s needs matter and are held equally.

Because power-over is modeled in many spheres in our society and power-with is less modeled it can be hard to begin to use power with others. It takes awareness and commitment to share power with others. It also requires increasing our inner resources including patience, empathy, and self-control. These qualities lead to healthy grounding techniques. Grounding techniques—ways to help us stay connected to our bodies and centered in ourselves so that we are less reactive—can be very helpful when collaborating with others. Some examples include feeling our feet on the ground, breathing, meditation, journaling, taking time to cool down and think of options, self empathy, etc. Developing a support system—people you can turn to for empathy when you run into challenges—can also be helpful.