We have all done something that we regret or feel guilt about. Guilt is not a bad thing. It is an alarm going off telling us that we did something that may not have been in alignment with our value system. If we pay attention to guilt and work through it we can get to a better place – change.

The problem occurs when guilt turns into shame. Shame is the result of not dealing with our guilt. When we don’t work out our guilt we allow the thing we did to define us. With shame comes a lot of self-judgment and should statements. We start beating ourselves up.

So how do we get out of this trap?

The practice of slowing down can be experienced as a gift for anyone who can master this discipline. So many times we may be so busy that we can forget to unwrap this gift and focus on what is most important to us. We may as a result let things pass us by like being present for ourselves and others or important events or celebrations, etc.

Spend Time in Silence
It can be most nourishing to take some time daily or weekly to slow down. During this time you can be intentional about turning off the radio, television, electronic devices and/or computer. I encourage you to be with the silence and become comfortable with it.

“Never give any system the power over you to rebel or submit.” — Marshall Rosenberg 

When an entity, system or individual has authority or power and mandates something we do not agree with we appear to have only two choices: to submit or to rebel.

If we submit, we give in or give up, usually out of fear of consequences. There may be the thought that we “have to” submit, and we have no choice.

Relationships can contribute to happiness and they can also contribute to pain and sorrow. I have experienced both and discovered some things that helped me navigate the terrain. 

One thing that can be helpful is having a plan of action when you or your partner gets activated. Here are some tips on cultivating a life enriching relationship. It is best when both partners are actively working on these things. Regardless, if invested in your relationship these things will go a long way.

 “Be patient towards all that is unresolved in your heart and learn to love the questions themselves.” – Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Sometimes we may not understand why certain things occur in our lives. Whether we are experiencing tragedy, loss, or affliction, we can trust that something bigger is at work in the midst of our trial.

Nina Kessler is a parent who tells of a tragic event that changed her life forever – an event that made her question how God could allow such a thing to happen. She said that at the time it was (in her mind) the worst thing that could possibly happen.

There are many stories about Martin Luther King Jr. that remind us of his dream. There is one story in particular that stands out and reminds me to see the good in others.

It is a story that goes back to when King was in a meeting with some team members. Bobby Kennedy had just become the U.S. attorney general. Many leaders of the civil rights movement were distraught.

Harry Belafonte, one leader at the time, described Bobby Kennedy as, “famously not interested in the civil rights movement.”