Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication FAQ's 

What is Nonviolent Communication?

Nonviolent Communication  (NVC) is a way of communicating that allows us to stay connected to compassion and speak and act in a way that is in alignment with our desire to hold our needs and the needs of others with consideration. 

It involves a four step process created by Marshall Rosenberg, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC).

What are the four components to NVC?

The first component involves differentiating between an observation and evaluation and being able to state an observation instead of an evaluation (moralistic judgement, label, diagnosis, etc.). An example is: "I notice (see, hear, etc.) ... that you were 30 minutes late." 

The second component involves sharing our feelings without mixing in thoughts. Example: 
"I feel frustrated ...."

The third step involves sharing your needs by accepting responsibility for your feelings. Example: "... because I need cooperation. 

The fourth component involves making a specific action request that will meet your need. Example: "Would you be willing to put the dishes in the dishwasher?"

Listening to Others 

When listening to others we can also use these four components. This can be done by making an observation of what might be activating an unpleasant feeling in the person. But many times the observation can be dropped and we can just simply ask the question, "Are you feeling frustrated because you need cooperation? 

Then a suggestion can be made to try to meet the need. This may sound like, "How about we work together to put the dishes away after dinner?"