Nonviolent Communication

"The forest will answer you in the way you call to it." - Finnish Proverb

When we communicate with others in a harsh tone there is a higher probability that we will get a defensive response back. People tend to respond to us in the same fashion that we speak to them. This phenomenon is called mirroring.

For some of us communicating in a critical or harsh tone has become a habit. We may come to realize that we have more conflict in our life as a result. Yet many people do not see this connection and instead continue to blame others for the conflicts that occur in their life.

Someone once said that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. The key to change is to realize that what we are doing is not working and to do something different and to practice it. Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."

Practice not making judgments (criticism, diagnosis, and evaluations of others) this week and instead make observations (state the facts without any judgment), express your feelings and needs and make a request. By doing this we will communicate in a way that does not judge and respects others.

For example, instead of saying, "You are lazy and never help out" you can say, "I see that you have not washed the dishes you used for lunch. I feel frustrated because I need help and support. Would you please wash your dishes within the next hour?"

Remember it is not an easy task to not make judgments of others and instead make observations. Krishnamurti says, "the ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence."

For more information on nonviolent communication (the process modeled above) click here.

PHOTO CAPTION: "Photo Courtesy PDphoto.org."